Have you ever had the feeling that you can't finish the thing that you have started? Either it is a piano course or an intention to start a healthy life with daily plans. If you never had this feeling, write me the message telling the planet you are coming from. And everyone else understands how I feel. I have created this blogging website. I have created my own YouTube channel. I have started learning new language. And each activity was started after being carefully examined and not just after I had 2 cups of coffee. And what do we have now? All those were stopped and forgotten. I don’t even know what is older, my last blog post here or the United States Declaration of Independence.
Have you ever wondered why this happens? We haven’t started those things because someone kept the gun on our head. And if you are thinking that it is laziness, you are probably wrong. If laziness was your big problem, you wouldn’t even be able to read this post until this point. Not talking about making the plans that would change your life. Lack of discipline? May be. But that is completely different topic. The thing lies deep in our human psychology. Would your child be happy to help you cleaning the room if you ask him? Or would he be happier to do that if it is his own initiative? I would think any child, adult, dog, cat, butterfly, absolutely anyone has decrease of motivation to do something, if they are obliged to. It doesn’t matter what is that thing. It could be eating an ice-cream every day before going to bed. If you must, you want to do it less. That is why we study for the exams with less passion, than if you would have decided to learn that material yourself. That is why you are happier to do things, if no one expects you to do that. That is why, I stop writing posts and uploading videos. Because after the first posts and uploads, people expected me to keep doing so in the future. People even start asking when is the next video or blog post. That is the moment, when you start feeling that you are obliged to do so. People expect you to. And now, you don’t have the previous desire, you don’t have those sparkles in your eyes. And even if you keep going, that is because people, including you, expect you to, and not because you are burning with desire. And here comes the problem. At some point you realize that stopping this activity will bring you no bad consequences, no disaster, nothing scary. Zero. So, what does your human instinct say to you then? Screw it. Let’s go watch how puppy tries to jump off the sofa, because that seems more interesting now. And that is it. That is how all it ends. All your plans, diets, piano courses, online lectures, everyday jogs, weekly visits to your parents, blogging websites, YouTube channels, everything that you and others start expecting you to keep doing, but abandoning it brings no big consequence.
Now you know it is not your fault. Now you can blame your human nature and keep not sticking to the things you started. But this all brings me up to some interesting and more global thoughts. Does this all imply that you can’t have long lasting family after the marriage, because now you are expected to love and be together? Does this imply that you can’t have the job that you would love doing, independent of how much you used to enjoy it before getting the contract, which obligates you to do that thing 8 hours every day?? Those are very deep questions and there are by far more important than keeping your YouTube channel up. I would like you to leave these questions open and let you think about it. And if you do not expect me to, I may write another post with my opinion about this mystery “feature” of a humankind.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI think Our mind keeps on changing, sort of evolving continuously. May be due that, ( due to some hormonal changes ), we feel differently than we used to feel in the past. And it goes on like this !
ReplyDelete..
This happens to me a lot.
Sooooo many incomplete things I left behind. I regret that, but don't have will or time to finish them up.
..
And sometimes, it's just not possible to do so, due to some random circumstances or reasons !
1)I absolutely agree that people feel less motivated to do the things that they are obliged to do. However, the statement that people may feel obliged and consequently less motivated to do the things that they enjoy doing while starting to do is open to doubt. If a person truly loves and enjoys doing a particular thing, expectations of others, which sometimes can be inspiring and motivating, do not really have a grand impact so that they can make a person stop. So, in this regard I do not completely agree with your point.
ReplyDelete2) Even if I assume that your reasoning regarding the reason why we give up is true, I don't think that we can compare serious issues like having a family, doing a certain job to less important activities like learning a new language, keeping a diet, etc. I think so because giving up doing serious things like doing your job has serious consequences. A person cannot just stop doing his/her job because the employer expects the employee to do it because there is another force that drives people to do sth. That drive is a need for sth. In the example with job, the need is money. Money is the thing that makes people work enduring many hardships. Therefore, even though the idea that people stop doing certain things because expectations from others make them feel less motivated may be true for some cases, it cannot be applied to all cases. Every case is unique and, therefore, requires different approach.
3) That's the way I think about the matter risen by you. Thanks for a great, thought-provoking blog. It made me think on many things.
Best of luck